Timeless Mercy By Mary Poirier with Nancy Montgomery Mary Poirier knows about the mercy of God. The miracle of mercy that occurred in her life fifteen years ago stands timelessly in her memory – a testimony to the timeless God who poured out that gift of mercy on her life. How can such depth of mercy be described? “To me,” answers Mary, “mercy is unconditional love and undeserved forgiveness.” Growing up in a traditional Catholic family, Mary regularly attended Sunday Mass. The family always went out for breakfast afterward. As Mary recalls, “I loved the part about going out for breakfast the most. I certainly wasn’t interested in going to church. It always felt like we were just going through the motions.” The daughter of a feed mill owner, Mary recalls a family life where emotions were rarely shown. “When we kids were not being sarcastic to one another, conversation at our dinner table didn’t move beyond the family business. I don’t remember talking about feelings or exchanging hugs and kisses. We never heard or said the words I love you. I remember feeling very alone.” The lack of intimacy at home was made more bearable by Mary’s special relationship with her grandmother. Mary routinely walked to her house to spend weekends enjoying a sense of belonging through the simplicity of watching television together, bringing home their favorite molasses cookies from the local grocery store and sharing cups of tea sweetened with milk and sugar. “I loved being with her,” says Mary. “I felt like I could tell her anything.” But when she was twelve years old, Mary lost her beloved grandmother to a sudden death, plunging Mary into what she still painfully recalls as “an ocean of grief…with no boat or compass.” In the trauma, she experienced an emotional detachment and found herself unable to grieve the loss. “I didn’t know how,” remembers Mary. “There was no one to share my feelings with.” Mary began searching for a sense of belonging through friends. She joined cheerleading, the tennis team and assorted school activities. “The loneliness that haunted me seemed to vanish with my newfound social life as I started going to parties and becoming popular in high school,” says Mary. “But the loneliness was still there; the drinking, which later led to drugs, was just numbing it. I did everything my peer group suggested in order to ‘fit in’ but I remember still feeling very much alone.” It wasn’t long before Mary lost her virginity to a boy she was convinced was the love of her life. She explains, “I thought loving someone meant having sex. I thought sex was intimacy but I remember going home that night feeling more empty and alone than ever.” Mary became caught in a cycle of drinking, drugs and sex detached from any sense of love. “It was just the thing to do,” she remembers. “I also began to dive into materialism. All of these things together sent me spiraling out of control.” In her senior year of high school, Mary was the victim of a date rape, which resulted in pregnancy. “I cannot describe the chaos this brought upon my parents and me,” says Mary. “My mother wanted me to have the baby but my father wound up driving me to the abortion clinic. Many years later my father apologized for the part he played at that difficult time.” Mary’s self-destructive cycle continued. By the age of twenty-two she had been through three abortions and was convinced that she was beyond forgiveness. “I thought God could forgive one abortion and might forgive two,” says Mary, “but he could never forgive three abortions. I went to Confession over and over again – each time walking out feeling there was no way I could be forgiven.” Attempting to anesthetize the pain, Mary increased her materialistic trend – even purchasing a brand new sports car. “I thought if I looked good, that was all that mattered,” says Mary. “My false lifestyle continued until I was twenty-five.” En route to a party one evening, intending to meet a married man, Mary recalls feeling that she was heading for big trouble. Then she experienced a remarkable intervention. “Suddenly, I felt a presence in my passenger’s seat…a holy presence. It felt as if Jesus was sitting there just looking at me,” reflects Mary. “I felt in my heart that He said to me, Mary, you can turn this car around right now and let Me help you, or you can keep going like you are going.” The message was so strong that she turned the car around, went home and cried. That night she pleaded with Jesus, “Lord, if this is really you, you have to help me! I can’t live my life like this anymore!” A few days later, while Mary was still enjoying a lingering sense of peace, her aunt, a travel agent, invited her on a tour to the eastern European village of Medjugorje. Her aunt had learned that the Blessed Virgin Mary was alleged to be appearing to some children there. Amazed by heaven’s timing, Mary thought, “Wow! They really work fast!” And when she was unable to afford the trip due to her carefree spending habits, her parents generously paid for her to make the trip. “I knew then God was calling me there,” remembers Mary. Shortly after stepping off the bus near St. James parish church in Medjugorje, Mary felt a strong need to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation one more time. Confessions were being heard outside, where Mary knelt before a Franciscan priest and said, “Father, I have had three abortions.” As she began to weep, the old priest reached out to her and held her saying, “Oh, honey.” Her tears continued and Mary recalls, “At that moment, I knew it was no longer the priest holding me; it was Jesus. There was such a peace and love flowing with no judgments. It was so awesome!” The priest explained, “The abortions are not the root of the sin, but the self-hatred you have had for yourself all these years.” He invited Mary to reflect back on her life with him. Mary remembers, “He took me through my whole life. All the years of sexual relationships, the drinking, the drugs, the materialism – we covered it all.” Finally, the priest explained, “There is still one more thing we need to do. We need to name your babies because they are truly your little ones.” He asked Mary to name the first child. “Kathryn,” she responded definitively. “Kathryn is your little girl,” proclaimed the priest. “What’s the second one’s name?” Mary answered, “John.” And again the priest affirmed the name of the child. Finally, the priest moved on to the third child and asked Mary to give the child a name. “Mary,” she replied. “Mary is your little girl!” answered the priest. As the priest placed his hands over Mary’s head to absolve her sins, she recalls, “I closed my eyes and saw darkness coming out and a bright light coming in!” The priest explained to Mary, “Your sins are forgiven, Mary! Satan cannot tell you the tomb is closed anymore. The tomb is open!” After thanking the priest, Mary went the other side of the church to cry alone. As she looked up at the clouds, she recounts hearing three voices in her heart. “I heard them say to me ‘We love you Mommy!’ I thought how could they love me after what I did? But all I could feel was love! And joy! It was truly my little ones embracing me! They loved me the whole time! They were waiting and praying for my conversion. They were waiting for me to claim them as my own. Their prayers were the reason I had the grace to turn my life around!” After Medjugorje, Mary’s work to heal her life began in earnest. “I like to say it’s like peeling the layers of the onion,” says Mary. “Still often I feel the love of my babies very strongly.” But healing has not been easy as Mary explains, “In the beginning there was still so much guilt and shame to work through. Daily Mass, Eucharistic Adoration and Confession sustained me then and now.” Mary also sought the help of a spiritual counselor who led her through the process. Before her dramatic healing in Medjugorje, Mary had felt unworthy of finding someone to share her life. But in 1993 she met Michael Poirier. They were married in 1994 and, a little less than a year later, Mary gave birth to their first child, Joseph Michael. “All I can say is mercy!” exclaims Mary. “I don’t deserve to have a child, but I don’t think any of us do. It’s a pure gift. I just thank God for His mercy.” In 1999, Mary and Michael were blessed again with the birth of John Paul Anthony. “Again mercy,” says Mary. “They are such precious boys. I thank God for these wonderful gifts.” One day Mary plans to sit down with her children and share with them the story of God’s mercy and love in her life. “But for now,” says Mary, “I share this story with you!” Michael and Mary have spent their married life traveling around the United States talking about God’s mercy in their full-time ministry, Holy Family Apostolate. “We feel so strongly about spreading His mercy,” says Mary. “So many people don’t think they can ever be forgiven. It’s such a lie that Satan uses.” Mary has heard many personal stories as a result of sharing her testimony. To those who ask how could anyone ever have an abortion? Mary has a message she hopes to plant in their hearts: “Please understand when you ask such things aloud, you may be pushing away the girl or woman who desperately needs to talk about a secret that very well may be killing her.” To those suffering within, Mary says, “His mercy is limitless. He is ready to forgive at a moment’s notice. What is it in your life that you think God can’t forgive? What is your deep, dark secret that you think you can’t tell anyone?” Mary encourages everyone to ask the Lord for forgiveness. “Go to Him,” says Mary. “He can forgive only those who ask. Pray for the courage to take that first step.” It has been fifteen years since Mary took that first step herself. “The healing continues to this day,” says Mary. Although much has happened in that time, she is a witness that God’s mercy, like the Creator Himself, transcends time. She feels compelled to share a message of unconditional love that heals her own heart and, against all human expectation, has gifted her with blessings, joys and the forgiveness of a merciful God."